I have been away for some time now.
The urge to write and to put myself out there is back. Yay!
Ironically I have been stuck in a creative block.
I tried everything, but sometimes you just have to let it go… and the creativity will come back eventually.
Before The Detox
Before I made the decision to embark on the detox journey (lol), life has been pretty rough on me. I walked away from a wonderful relationship that left me heartbroken. The painful healing journey drained me of all my creative juices. Robbed me of my routines – I ended up in total chaos. Sounds a bit dramatic, yeah. It kind of was.
I am a very chaotic person. I’m all over the place, head in the clouds and all that, you know?
That’s why I need structure. Routines give me this clear path. The more structure I have, the freer I feel. My mind becomes calm and my creativity can expend.
But I was stuck. Stuck with my emotions. Stuck in my laziness. Always on Instagram.
I saw all this amazing art. But was unable to even make a straight line.
So I decided that I need a fresh start. I need to find refuge inside myself.
To crawl back into my blanket fort, hide under the sheets and hibernate. Or maybe hide in my cocoon until I become a butterfly. You can chose which metaphor you like more, heh.
So I decided to delete the instagram app from my phone. And see if I will experience the same kind of freedom that I felt – the last time that I did a detox.
Well… the first few days were nothing special.
Honestly – I didn’t miss drawing.
I missed the cool artist community. I missed the people that were genuinely interested. I missed the support, from people that knew how I felt.
But here I was. Disconnected. Not feeling any better with the detox.
The 30 days passed, and I didn’t feel any better.
So I extended the detox for one more week.
The instagram-detox is just not what I needed. I needed to disconnect – completely.
No WhatsApp. No Messenger.
Just me and the daily life business. Just me and my routines. Getting back up.
I had to realize that I am addicted and dependent on my phone. More than I would like to admit.
I want to say that I don’t need WhatsApp. That just the SMS and calls are enough.
But WhatsApp is useful. And people expect you to be connected. To answer.
All. The. Time.
I was thinking then ( and I am still thinking now ) that I should do a radical digital decluttering! Delete all the useless apps. Go really minimal. You know?
Just music, texting, email, pictures and notes app. I’m sure that I‘d survive… whatcha think?
Im really sad to admit that the detox didn’t help me at all.
At the same time I was able to realize that I am a super addicted person. I’m addicted to distractions, my phone, listening to music on the train, unable to deal with the reality that surrounds me. Always running away, and our phones make it easier as never before.
Its so hard to just be present. So much of my anxiety comes from thoughts about the future or the past. Accepting the moment as is – is the cure for everything.
Now I am focused.
- I am reading a lot, expanding my mind.
- I am working on my morning routine. Oh it does so much for me.
- I met someone special… which is super cool but I‘ll keep that part private for now.
- Trying to take it easy. Not taking everything so seriously.
- Accepting my challenges and the emotions that arise from them.
- Doing a lot of art. So happy about it.
Overall I am feeling happier. Not because life is going better or anything. But because I don’t suppress my emotions anymore. I am expressing myself, allowing myself to be a little more vulnerable. Spreading and receiving love and growing from the challenges that they bring along.
What causes your occasional anxiety? Feel free to share in the comments ❤
What do you want me to write about next?
Follow me on Instagram: @natasillustration